Department of English and Philosophy, Murray State University, Murray, KY, USA
Amid the recent overwhelming demand for online education as emergency remote teaching, this study aims to contribute to a better understanding of online teaching and learning experiences. Through a self-study of online teaching, it explores a teacher educator’s emotional experiences and struggles during online teaching concerning teacher identity, pedagogy, and student participation. The study includes both the teacher educator’s reflection on her own emotional experiences and her students’ end-of-the-semester reflections on their online participation, providing multiple perspectives on a variety of online pedagogical tools. Her self-reflection on online teaching deepened her understanding of the role of emotions in her teaching. Additionally, her discovery of students’ perspectives on their (non)participation and subsequent reflection brought new insight and understanding of student experiences, reducing her own teaching anxiety and self-doubt in the negotiation of teacher identity online. Results of the study suggest that both the teacher’s and students’ emotional experiences are significant resources for pedagogical development via critical reflection, suggesting that the scope of teacher reflection should be expanded to include self-reflective work on emotions for teachers’ own personal growth and professional development.